jackmotel

Going back to the idea of structure, and along with that is the idea of “where do I fit in?” or “how do I fit in”. there is this broader understanding that we fit in a hierarchy. I wrote this note in evernote earlier this evening Hierarchy structure and casual conversation.  How “who” we are …

Hierarchy of self Read More »

I haven’t forgotten about you How did it get like this Relapse. Anger Impulse However then control Review the situation Choose not to relax, I’m stronger than that It’s not about more strength and power to “win” it’s about being mentally stronger to choose not to react a certain way. “I am stronger than that.”

Yep, one smoke. Is it nervousness? That feeling of despair and lost The feeling of failing with nothing to show Materialistic, yes it’s true, nothing to show, but one can still choose to have their pride intact. If learning is genuinely taking place and remorse can be felt. Effort in doing what can be done …

Failing with nothing to show Read More »

If we were living in a simulation would the simulation give clues that we were or is our collective consciousness influencing the simulation if indeed we were living in a simulation.

Ok, just had a smoke. First time all week, maybe later in the day This time, 2pm, first time an early afternoon smoke for a long time. Why? No excuse. It was there. Was I drawn to it because of the email I wrote for work. Are my expectations too high? What does it mean …

Are my expectations too high? Read More »

Reflection of the letter Made me feel better writing it down, whether it was too much is beside the point, it was part of the process . that’s how I interpreted it and I responded to it in a way that it came out. So I’ve watched the matrix last couple nights. Quotes “There is …

Spiritual ego trap Read More »

17:26  This journaling is fun, helpful. How helpful, not sure yet, maybe it is becoming more helpful as I do it, write it, say it. That little voice in the head, saying each word, can ‘type fast enough  and you never want to say it out aloud as it is too confronting. My thoughts my …

This journaling is fun Read More »

11am, feeling ok, still a bit anxious. The feeling of the environment seems to be settling down a bit. It has been 8 days now since the incident, and 7 days since I made conscious decision to stop drinking alcohol. A couple of chin-ups here and there already today, but still a way off before …

Friday, Day 7 Read More »

The thoughts buzzing around my head, constantly thinking and feeling the environment, home, the car. In the bathroom, I know I have to write this down, then I think is this a book? It can be. This is what will carry me. It’s helping, slowly, I can feel it. Making a conscious decision about this …

Teeth brushed Read More »

Well wouldn’t you know, I decided to have a smoke on a Wednesday. Just because I’ve stopped drinking I think I can do whatever I like whenever I like. Is this my reward or am I just punishing myself subconsciously I’m now feeling anxious again, that “nervous/scared” feeling in my stomach, and the eyes, what …

Weed Read More »

Monday 21st September  I’d never given Tony Robbins a second of time except talking to a friend about him, when it came up. A few issues that had come up at home recently had seen me dive deeper into self-paced mindfulness especially YouTube videos and an audiobook about psychedelics, mind, and consciousness, “How to change …

Stopped Drinking  Read More »