revolving door

Revolving door of thoughts

It’s easy to latch on to the revolving door of thoughts that take up the space in our head.

The things that are troubling us, the things that impact us, how influences can create a perceived negative reaction or emotion then we start to feel sorry for ourselves because I shouldn’t be feeling this way.

I don’t want to feel this way and cultures and media can have us believe that I shouldn’t feel this way.

The intensity of the pain. Is this something that we can fight back, to control the intensity.

Our much of that intensity is over blown / over bloated and we create a whirlpool feeling like we are getting sucked into the centre but never ending up going down the whirlpool, just swirling around the edges and sometimes moving away from the centre.

The feeling of anxiety as perpetuated by the smoking leads into the thoughts that manifest from the feeling. Facing the painful points in life.

How does pain equal anxiety.

Why should it feel like pain, is that our interpretation when we feel that we don’t deserve the pain / anxiety. Is anxiety actually good for us? Our instinct to interpret the emotions / feelings as being good or bad. Writing is something that we can do without thinking as the thoughts just flow in from all directions.

As they flow in we then take those thoughts and swirl them around, exploring them from different angles, like holding something up in our jand and turning our hand to explore the objects from all angles. Is this my escape, my path, it’s easy, I like it and it creates, a sense (oh, that word is gratey) a sense of creativity, or putting it another way, creating words on a page, to share, to open to my closest.

Writing in the journal at the beginning was great as there were things I really wanted to tackle and I felt that I managed to tackle them.

Recently I feel pulled back to some of the things, relationship, partner, children, oldest child.

My meditation, music, writing, need to get back on the piano. I enjoyed that. It was an escape to deal with the friction between us.

Creating learning feeling the music raw from the instrument.

Paranoid

I should not be doing this; how does this represent a responsible member of the community.

Observing the political sphere as well as the real relationship sphere,

Our relationship to partner, children, family, friends, work, society, community, humanity.

Our relationship to humanity. Am I a responsible member of humanity, and who gets to decide the definition of “responsible” and everything that goes with this?

It’s all about power.

The animal kingdom presents that everywhere else.

How do humans really think that we are any different. Survival. Our own interests and who best represents us and what we believe in and our values. The power of a likeminded community. Is humanity getting split along value lines more than ethnic?

This is where religion kicks in as the different religions and branches of those religions presents our (ever-evolving) values, beliefs and priorities. As ideas, values, beliefs and priorities evolve, so do religions with the number of new religions at about 20 a year .

How much does money influence religion and is money influencing religion or religion influencing money (the market/capitalism).

This thinking allows for me to look more broadly at my place and self. Where do I fit in and is it a case of sitting back, getting involved, learning, shouting, fighting, feeling anxious about it, converting that into pain . . .

Just grabbing a keyboard rest. It’s a great way to stop and take note hahaha fucking cliches, so painful but they do work (haha) (dick) what’s with hahaha. Is that ego? An obligation to fulfill an expectation as it works at that time and people know it, like canned laughter in a live tv show. ? I ‘ll think of something better.

I’ve gotten really slack at my chin-ups, come on man, get your shit together come one!!!!

No, nothing, didn’t work.

Thanks for this, helped, I do need to go back to work I was just about to go into the kitchen, will avoid that.

Over and out

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