It is about the jealousy; I really have no reason to be jealous. It does feel, and sure the oil I just had would be exacerbating the situation, but lets deal with the suspicions.
It’s the anxiety caused by the suspicions, the thoughts of her doing that.
LOOK AT ME. LET IT GO
The end of the universe has become a consuming thought, how am I feeling about this. Being told this message and not living by the luxury of believing in something else. Just because I hear about this and because I trust the science, compared to someone else who may believe in something else. Is our reality shaped by our beliefs?
Our beliefs are constructs we create as part of our consciousness. It doesn’t really matter what someone else might say of believe that is different to our beliefs.
Some believe we die and that’s it, our dead body decays into matter then elements then particles over however many years. Those elements then become something else. Over the time the different elements will decay into other atoms and over time We’ll always be with other elements, until the environment heats up to have a reaction with those atoms and cause particle until we become photons via the heat death.
Does the beginning and end of the universe really matter, should there be comfort in life knowing that some part of the human race survives forever or at least evolves into something else.
Is it possible there are other elements in the universe that we don’t know about that could join with other elements to evolve into other types of life or consciousness?
Is this about continuation of the consciousness that is our belief consume our attention to understand our death to fulfill our life or if one does let go of the past, future, physical universe then they can truly live in the present. The idea of “the universe” is constructed to give us a place and a purpose. The position we place ourselves within the hierarchy of all humans. How do we contribute, our legacy and the memory of us, surviving with others ahead of us. Does the actual idea of a consciousness, understanding and an awareness of our own experience of life, ultimately find demise in the expansion and decay of all the matter in the universe that cannot contain the experiences of our existence.
Writing this is helping, the separation, my many thoughts of it over the years, living it through and through in my thoughts, ultimately manifesting the reality from my thoughts over time. I have thought of this, lived it as part of my consciousness, not just thinking it, feeling it, experiencing it, going through the motions.
The dreams, the experience of the dreams, the reliving the experience through memory to understand the emotions experienced as part of the dream.
The boys need to be at the centre, they have been, more of a schedule, like this, playing Fortnite, a weekly thing, but also other things.
I need to manage my emotions outside of our separation. I know what I’m like.
Does the lying and limiting of the information to my external self, out to my environment, show my reality and influence my consciousness. To have a clear consciousness where the constructs are swirling around our heads.
The writing, the awareness of what is consuming me, originating at the thought, the future perceived reality which hasn’t been experienced, the anxiety associated to a future that doesn’t exist, that could exist and in a way the present influences the future however there is a way we can manage the reaction of our future my being present
Personal Construct theory
either before, during or after writing today’s journal entry.